Gossip Girl Season 3 Premiere

The biggest surprise of Gossip Girl season 3 so far is that I'm still watching because I'm pretty sure I hate this show. Anyway the premiere, exciting stuff! Third season! New drama! Wrong, this episode is such a snooze fest.

At least the show leads with its best foot forward and the episode opens with Chuck and Blair the only characters I can imagine viewers like. Because it's impossible to be genuinely invested in the struggles of these impossibly, rich, attractive and creepily mature teens, so why not just show us exaggerated fun well dressed stereotypes with catchphrases. I'm bored, and you've ruined my pants. Yes! This is what we want. Anyway we don't get it. Blair and Chuck are playing a game in which Chuck seduces girls, and Blair walks in, pretending to be a woman scorned. This is to prevent their relationship from becoming stale because you know, they're 17 and MID LIFE CRISIS IMPENDING. Anyway they're still in love and this makes them so zzzzzz. Thank God Chuck is gorgeous otherwise this may dip to Vanessa

levels of boring.

Nate is sleeping with some girl from a rival family. Hearts are breaking, forbidden love, scorned grandparents. It's Shakespeare over on the CW guys, tune in. If it ends in a double suicide you'll be sorry you missed it.

Across town Vanessa is mad at Dan for owning a designer wallet because authentic people with morals only shop at Urban Outfitters, obviously. Didn't she date an Archibald last year though? Vanessa's moral high ground act is getting SO TIRED .

Finally, there's Serena's baffling plot line. I seriously have NO IDEA what's going on. She faked being on a spiritual journey for the summer while she was really in Europe trying best she could to get into all the papers. She continues to try to make a scene in New York by losing her top (isn't she supposed to be 17, this show is so ew sometimes) and leaving some Polo match in Connecticut on a horse, who knows? Anyway we're all hating Serena for being some attention whore, but then her voice over let's us know that there's a reason. She wants her father to see he in the pages of the magazines so that he will come back into her life or contact her or something. OK we all sigh in relief together, she wasn't publicly flashing because she's a whore, she only wanted her dad to see!

The only silver lining of this show is that Dan and Serena's step brother is way overly interested in Dan, and I'm really hoping this leads to some gay incest. Also, Georgina next week.